


When You've Had Enough

by auclairdelayani, SokkasGirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Abuse, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, James Potter is a Good Friend, Marauders' Era, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sirius Black Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-06-25 14:05:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15642273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auclairdelayani/pseuds/auclairdelayani, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SokkasGirl/pseuds/SokkasGirl
Summary: Sirius finally has enough and runs away from home.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea that has been on my mind for ages. While I should have been working on my other stories, I wrote this one instead. This I think will be more of a series of drabbles rather than a proper story, but I haven't decided yet. It will revolve around Sirius starting from when he runs away from home going till I don't know when. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this story. Any mistakes are mine so please let me know if there are any errors or inconsistencies. Constructive criticism is also welcomed :)
> 
> Tags and Characters will be updated as I add to the story. I do not own Harry Potter.

Sirius had hardly been surprised when he woke up with his right cheek stuck with tears to the dining room floor. Waking up this way had happened more times than it probably should have in Sirius’ fifteen years on this wretched planet and it no longer startled him the way it once did when he was a child.

The minute Sirius came to, he had pulled himself to his feet with nothing more than a slight groan and dragged himself to his room. With a hard-set determination, Sirius pulled his trunk out from under his bed and started to pack his things. The evening had started out relatively normal. Dinner had been served and there was little to no speaking. Unless Sirius felt like arguing with his parents or his parents said something that Sirius found hard to ignore, dinner could almost be considered a pleasant affair. Everyone ate their food, finished off dessert, and went to bed without a word. 

Sirius enjoyed those nights. While he wished he could chat with his parents and his younger brother, Regulus, as he imagined other families did during dinner, when dinner passed by without a screaming match with his mother or without Sirius becoming terribly injured, it was marked off as a good evening in his books. Unfortunately for Sirius, once the dinner plates had been cleared and dessert was in the process of being set, Sirius’ father pulled out an envelope from his coat pocket and placed it in front of Regulus. 

“This came for you today,” He said as Regulus stared down at the envelope. Sirius could make out the familiar handwriting on the front and it didn’t surprise him that the letter came from Hogwarts. The slight bulge coming from inside the envelope didn’t shock him either. He was sure he knew what it was. School was going to be starting up soon and there was no doubt in his mind that the envelope contained a prefect badge. His perfect little brother- a prefect. Sirius would never hear the end of it.

Soon enough, Sirius’ assumptions were proven correct as Regulus held his breath and opened the envelope with a careful, practiced hand. His face was covered in apprehension and Sirius didn’t understand why. It’s not like they all didn’t know this was going to happen. Regulus did everything perfectly. At home, at school- he was the poster child for the perfect boy. He was the son every parent wanted and a pupil all teachers admired, even those not from his own house. 

Sirius would be lying if he said he wasn’t slightly jealous of the way people looked at his brother. When people looked at Sirius, they swooned and they gawked. He knew he was handsome. There was no doubt in his mind. He’s observed other boys and noticed their differences. He’s even compared himself to his friends and listened to the girls in the hallways just to hear what they thought his attractive features were. His smile, his hair, and oh did the girls love his eyes. Gray and mysterious. It wasn’t a common eye color after all and the girls just loved it. 

His brother on the other hand, didn’t get as much attention as Sirius did on his looks. While Sirius didn’t necessarily think his brother was ugly, Sirius knew that girls thought Sirius was more physically attractive than his brother- they all said so. It was one thing Sirius was more accomplished in than his perfect little brother. And as shallow is it may have seemed to do so, Sirius relished in it. 

The two also had quite different personalities. Sirius had spent his whole life trying to find that balance of pushing back against his parents and their hard-headed pure-blooded beliefs and shying away from getting too much negative attention. Regulus on the other hand followed every single rule their parents set for them to a T. He was well mannered and followed the old fashioned rule of “children are meant to be seen not heard” much better than Sirius ever could. Sirius could hardly stand it. 

Once he got to school, Sirius felt free from all the troubles and pressure he felt at home. Even though he was initially terrified at having been sorted into Gryffindor, it had felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. His sorting seemed to further prove to him that he was not like his family- something he had known all his life. But having it proven by the Sorting Hat made him feel like maybe there wasn’t something wrong with him like he had always thought. There was an entire table filled with people who were just like him and James ended up being one of those people. He was able to breathe for once and not worry about what his parents would do to him, at least until he went home for holiday. 

This caused Sirius to push the boundaries of, well, everything. At school, he behaved in ways he would never dare at home and his friendship with James only seemed to encourage this behavior. His devil may care attitude and his mischievous ways only seemed to enhance the attention he received from his dashingly good looks. The ladies loved him. And Sirius did love the positive attention. 

Regulus, however, was admired more for his brains and Sirius was ridiculously envious of that. His brother was expected to be smart. He didn’t mess around or goof off like Sirius did with his friends. Unlike Sirius, he knew his brother more respected by their professors and they expected more out of Regulus than they did Sirius. 

Sirius would never forget the day Professor Slughorn told him that he wished he would behave more like his brother. Sirius had quickly become hurt, having heard that his entire life from his parents. Hearing that same old tune at school quickly caused Sirius to lash out and insult the poor professor. Sirius had not only gained a months’ worth of detention for his words, but 50 points had been taken from Gryffindor, and he also had a terribly long and painful talk with Professor McGonagall. 

So when Regulus pulled out the prefect badge and a letter stating everything he needed to know for his future endeavors as a prefect, a familiar sense of dread filled Sirius’ stomach the way it always did when Regulus accomplished something that Sirius never would. 

“Dear, boy,” Sirius’ father said, “Your mother and I are incredibly proud of you. Well done, son.” Regulus received a clap on his shoulder, something Sirius never got from his father, and a proud look that Sirius had never once seen thrown his way. Not a second later, Kreacher had set out the dessert on the table and Sirius hadn’t waited a second before helping himself to some treats. 

“You know, Sirius,” His mother started coolly before Sirius had even taken two bites of his cake. Sirius knew that soon enough they would be at each other’s throats screaming at one another. Based off what Sirius heard from other kids at his school, and his experience with James’ mom, a mother was not meant to provoke their son into fighting with them. A mother, and a father for that matter, were supposed to support their children, even if they disagreed with their actions and their choices. Parents were supposed to help their children succeed in life. The only child Sirius’ witch of a mother, in both senses of the word, seemed to “mother” was Regulus. Sirius could accidently blow his head off making a potion and instead of mourning his death, his mother would probably throw a dinner party for finally being rid of the black sheep of their family. 

“Had you spent less time with your blood-traitor and half-blood friends causing trouble in school you could have become a prefect in your 5th year just like your brother.” The comment seemed off handed and if Sirius didn’t know his mother, the tone of her voice would have made it sound like she was merely making an observation. However, with the way she looked at him, he knew that was very much not the case. She was trying to provoke him and Sirius could see his brother tense up from the corner of his eye. He knew what was coming too. 

“Yes, Sirius,” His father chimed in. “As much of a failure as you are, a prefect from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, would have been much more preferable for that muggle loving house of yours rather than that half-blooded prefect who you insist on being friends with.” Unfortunately, that was as much of a complement as Sirius could ever hope to get from his father. He might have said that Sirius would have been the better choice but his father had also called him a failure and was insulting one of his best friends and his house, which Sirius had a lot of pride being a part of. 

Sirius grit his teach and clenched his tiny dessert fork in his hand. Sirius didn’t say anything. It had taken everything in him not to jump to Remus’ defense and to defend himself as well and to tell his parents how much of a failure he wasn’t. And he would have succeeded had his mother not decided to continue the one-sided conversation. 

“Yes, that sickly boy,” She spat. “Whatever do you see in him? Not only is he a half-blood but he’s constantly ill. I don’t find it hard to believe you’d find it suitable to hang around such a disgusting boy, but Regulus here has told us all about your little escapades.” Escapades? Sirius quickly snapped his head over to his brother who was staring intently has his dessert. It was hardly even touched and the fork lay useless hanging off the plate. 

“We’ve put up with your horrendous behavior and your stupid little friends. We’ve been the laughingstock of all our peers because of you. You’ve disgraced us in many ways and we were being kind not throwing you out on the streets.” Sirius almost scoffed. Kind? They had not been kind. Sirius almost wished he had been thrown out. The streets would be a much better place to live than with these bigots. 

“But Sirius Orion Black, I will not tolerate having a faggot as a son.” And that was it. Sirius’ blood ran cold as his fork clattered loudly against his plate. 

“I am not a faggot,” Sirius bit out. “Don’t call me that.” 

“Regulus said he saw you and the half-blood boy getting quite close in a corridor at school. He said it seemed like the two of you were going to kiss.” Sirius’ hands started to shake. “As I said, I have tolerated all kinds of inexcusable and unacceptable behavior from you Sirius but this is one thing I will not tolerate,” his mother said in a low voice. Then she laughed. 

“Not to mention that Potter boy- James, is it? He comes from such a respected pure-blooded family. So much wealth and power. It’s a shame the Potters are a lousy group of blood-traitors. Were they more like us, he’d be a much more suitable friend for you. Instead his family had to go turn their backs on the Dark Lord. Filthy blood-traitors disgracing their heritage-” 

“Shut up!” Sirius shouted. His chest was heaving and his ears rang. The sound of his chair scraping against the wood floor made his teeth hurt but all he could focus on was the pure anger he felt through every inch of his body. They could call Sirius a faggot all they wanted. They could say anything they wanted about him. But it was crossing a line to insult his best friend. “You know nothing about him. James Potter is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. He’s more of a brother to me than my own brother is and he has the best parents in the world. I’d much rather have been born a Potter than a Black. I hate everything this family stands for and I wish you all would just disappear.” 

Sirius’ breath was ragged but his rage slowly started to fade as he looked around the table and read the faces of his family. Regulus looked mildly sad and his father looked alarmed. But his mother, oh his mother, looked downright furious. Slowly his mother stood up from her chair and started to make her way towards Sirius. With each step she took towards him, he chest tightened more and more with fear. With each step she took, Sirius backed up bit by bit until he had no choice but to fall back into his chair. With each step, her wand got closer and closer to touching him. And when she was looming right over him at the foot of his chair, Sirius found that he couldn’t breathe. 

His mother had her wand on his chest and she started at him with a cold hard anger that he was all too familiar with. He tried to open his mouth and plead with her, to beg forgiveness, to say he didn’t mean what he had said. But he couldn’t make his mouth move. 

He couldn’t move a muscle as he waited for her to utter the word. The word that caused him to have scars across his body. The word that haunted his dreams and caused him to wake with his body throbbing in pain and his mind clouded with fear. 

Sirius could barely see her mouth move as she muttered, “Crucio.” And suddenly his entire body was engulfed in pain. Sirius hardly remembered anything that happened after that. 

If he tried hard enough, he could remember flashes of pain and he could hear his own screams echoing through his head. But he tried not focus on that as he went through his closet and ruffled through his drawers pulling out all the clothes he could manage and stuffing them into his trunk. 

Sirius saw everything through a haze. His eyes were full of unshed tears causing his surroundings to blur. Every movement caused him to wince in pain. Even in the places where the curse hadn’t broken skin, he still ached. If Sirius was in a right state of mind, he would have flooed himself to St. Mungos or at the very least, clean the freshly made cuts. But he was on autopilot as he stuffed his robes in his trunk and clasped it shut. He hardly processed that he had put on his boots and climbed downstairs before he was walking towards the front door. He was moving so fast, too fast, to notice Regulus sitting on the sofa near the front door reading. He wouldn’t have noticed if Regulus hadn’t said anything. 

“Sirius?” Regulus sounded shocked. “Where do you think your going?” Sirius tried to imagine what this might look like to his brother. Sirius was tired and in pain and it likely showed. He likely had blood seeping through his clothes and he was sure to look a mess with his long hair getting tangled all around his head and the redness of his eyes from the tears the refused to fall. Not to mention he had his trunk clutched tightly in his right hand. 

Sirius surprised himself by his answer. From the second he got up, his mind hardly processed anything. He knew he was packing his things and he knew he was hurting- physically, mentally, and emotionally. He knew that he needed to get out of the house. But he didn’t think too much past that. Once the words, “I’m running away,” passed his lips, Sirius almost dropped his trunk in shock. He was running away. He was finally doing it. 

In the back of his mind, Sirius supposed he knew that was what he was doing all along. But to actually say it aloud and to his brother, nonetheless, made Sirius stop in his mindless pursuit to leave. Regulus, while seeming saddened by his words, didn’t seem surprised. 

“I’m not going to ask you why. I know you don’t like it here. I know you hate our family,” Regulus said softly. He sat up straight holding his place in the book with his finger. 

He looked like he wanted to say more, but Sirius cut him off. “Come with me,” Sirius said. He wasn’t sure what caused him to say it. Maybe it was the fact that he had no idea what he was doing and he didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe it was because he was scared and even though he and his brother hadn’t gotten along in years, having him by his side would be comforting. Or maybe he just didn’t want to leave his baby brother alone to the mercy of their parents despite Regulus’ admiration and obsession with the Dark Lord. Sirius just didn’t want his brother to get hurt. And maybe, just maybe, if he could convince Regulus to leave with him, he can talk him out of all this nonsense and he could have his baby brother back. 

“Please, Reg, come with me,” Sirius pleaded. It was suddenly important that Regulus go with him and never look back. Regulus looked startled. It was probably cause it had been years since Sirius called him “Reg”. It was a childhood nickname that Sirius stopped using once Regulus got sorted into Slytherin and showed their parents his interest in all their pure-blood radicalism. It had hurt Regulus’ feelings the first time Sirius called him by his full name and now it seemed to shock Regulus quite terribly to hear the old nickname after all these years. 

“Sirius,” Regulus whispered. “I can’t.” It almost looked like it pained him to say that. 

“Why not?” Sirius asked a bit harshly. He knew the answer. He wanted to hear Regulus say it. He wanted to hear the words come out of his mouth and prove to Sirius that the teenager sitting in front of him was not who Sirius wanted him to be so that Sirius could walk out the front door and not feel an ounce of guilt for leaving Regulus behind. But before Sirius could do that, he needed Regulus to say it. 

“You know why, Sirius.” 

“Tell me,” Sirius grit. 

Regulus took a deep breath. “Because I’m to be marked next year. I’m meant to serve the Dark Lord and I can’t abandon our parents for my blood-traitor brother.” What had started out as a confident reply had quickly dwindled till it was only slightly above a whisper. Sirius had to strain to hear the last words, but he understood perfectly clear what Regulus had said. Sirius wanted to cry. There was no hope for Regulus. It was too late. 

With his resolve reinforced, Sirius strengthened his hold on his trunk and straightened up. “Very well. Goodbye, Regulus,” Sirius said curtly and took the final steps to the front door. As he gripped the handle, Sirius almost turned to take one final look at his brother. He quickly decided against it, knowing how fast he could abandon his plans by one look from his brother. For Sirius, despite their differences and their growing apart over the years, still cared deeply for Regulus and was the only reason Sirius had not resolved to do this sooner. With a deep breath, Sirius yanked the door open and stepped outside. 

As the door fell shut behind him, Sirius could barely make out the broken, “Goodbye, Sirius,” Regulus sent his way. Whether Regulus meant for Sirius to hear it or not, Sirius did indeed hear it and it shook him to his core. It caused Sirius to stop in his tracks and bite back a sob. He had to do it, he had to leave. He learned on his first night at Hogwarts in a mortifying and terrifying conversation with James, Remus, and Peter that the way his parents treated him were not the way parents were supposed to treat their children. Sirius had thought it was normal for parents to punish their children for spilling their milk by the Cruciatus Curse. As Sirius learned that first night at Hogwarts, most kids did not. 

Sirius couldn’t live another second in Number 12 Grimmauld Place but he knew Regulus would be just fine. 

It was then that Sirius decided where he was going to go. He was going to the one place other than Hogwarts that he ever felt welcome. The one place other than Hogwarts that he felt wanted and cared for. It was probably the only place where he felt like he was loved unconditionally. Sirius stumbled his way in the dark of the night to the nearest curb. 

Sirius took a deep breath, stuck out his wand arm, and waited a second. Suddenly a purple triple decker bus appeared in front of him. His parents had never let him take the Knight Bus before since it was based off a muggle contraption. He had always been fascinated by it and had heard plenty of stories from his fellow classmates about their trips on the Knight Bus. There were other ways to get to where he wanted to go, but Sirius figured this would be the way to go if he wanted to piss of his parents, even if they never found out about it. And boy did he want to make them fume. 

“Well don’t just stand there,” Sirius snapped out of his thoughts to see the conductor standing at the top of the steps looking down at him. “Get on.” The conductor turned around and took his seat behind the wheel. Sirius slowly stepped onto the bus. “Where you off to then?” Sirius looked at the conductor and looked him over. He was scraggly and not very well put together. He was lounged in his seat with a look on his face that told Sirius that he didn’t really care much for his job. 

Sirius instantly worried if he’d made the right decision stepping on the bus. “Uh, Potter Mansion,” Sirius said, slightly unsure. 

“Potter Mansion?” The conductor questioned. “That’s an odd place to take the bus to.” 

“Can’t you get me there?” Sirius asked, wondering if he’d have to get off and find somewhere he can floo from. 

The conductor scoffed. “Of course I can. What sort of question is that? Now grab a bed, it’s gonna be a while, we’ve got more stops to make.” Sirius hesitantly made his way to the back of the bus. There were beds lined up all through the bus and there was a classic expansion spell set on it. It was definitely bigger on the inside. Every passenger on the bus was sleeping therefore there was no one but the driver to pay any mind to Sirius. He had been worried he’d be recognized. Still, Sirius took the bed right next to the back window. He didn’t want to take any risks of being seen. Setting his stuff down on the bed, Sirius barely had time to sit down and think about how nice it would be to have rest before arriving at James’ before the bus took off and he was thrown flat on his back from the force. 

What an odd way to start the end of the summer holiday, Sirius thought, as he lied down properly and made himself comfortable. What an odd way indeed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius wakes up in the Potter Mansion and has time to process everything that had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people! I am so sorry that it's taken me so long to get this second chapter up. I'm gonna be honest, I've actually had this mostly done for about 3 weeks, but I haven't had a lot of time to edit it. I've been really busy with classes and then also my laptop got wet and I had to wait to get a new one. But I did have the chapter basically done before my laptop got wet...
> 
> Anyway, none of these characters belong to me. I only own the plot. Any mistakes are mine. If there are any inconsistencies either with my plot or with canon, please please let me know. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Enjoy :)

The day after Sirius ran away, Sirius woke up in a bed of what felt like clouds. He woke up feeling refreshed having just had the best night of sleep he could remember having outside of Hogwarts. His body felt like it was sinking into the warmth of the mattress. The fluffy blankets and pillows that enveloped his body comforted him with their warmth.

The events of the night before blurred together. Sirius vaguely remembered packing his trunk and he remembered the emotions he felt when speaking to his brother more than he remembered what was actually said. His trip on the Knight Bus felt like a faraway dream almost as if it didn’t happen. But the fact that Sirius was currently in the Potter's guest room was proof that last night’s events did occur. He was a run away. For some reason the words ‘run away’ didn’t feel as cool as he felt they should. 

Sirius really didn’t want to get out of bed. He was comfortable and the minute he showed his face to the Potters, he knew he'd be met with three faces trying to hide the pity they felt. Poor little rich boy with family troubles. The thought of that made him stay where he was despite now being fully awake and really needing to take a piss. 

Sirius shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. The Potters wouldn’t think that of him. Other people, sure, they might make assumptions and shit, but the Potters weren’t like that. 

Sirius took a deep breath. 

Merlin, he actually did it. He left his family. He was probably being blasted of the family tree as he lied there in comfort. That thought made his chest tighten. He would be disowned, just like his cousin Andromeda. He wouldn’t have a family anymore. Sirius’ breath quickened at the thought and he quickly turned on his side and pulled the blanket over his head as if it could shield his mind from the emotions running through him. 

He didn’t even want to think about what his mother’s reaction was to his running away. Did she even know yet? Had Regulus gone straight to his parents and tell them of Sirius’ departure? Did Regulus decide not to tell them only for Kreature to report that Sirius wasn’t in his bed and all his belongings were gone? Would his mother even care? 

Sirius hadn’t left a note. He didn’t think he should, not that he was thinking too much when he was packing his things. He hardly had any thought at all. 

It didn’t matter though because no one in his family would miss him so why would he want them to know where he was anyway? On the off chance that they’d actually go looking for him? No thanks. Sirius scoffed at himself. What a stupid thought. Who would leave a note when running away? Merlin, he could be so stupid sometimes. 

It was probably for the best anyway- that they didn’t know where he was, though they probably could correctly assume exactly where he’d run off to. He didn’t want to face the wrath of his mother’s anger. Even though she was probably happy he’d gone- though he’d be punished for pulling a stunt like this if he ever went back. He was better off where he was- intruding in the Potter’s home on their last month of holiday. 

Suddenly the heat of summer mixed with the thickness of the fluffy blankets started to make him sweat. Sirius scrambled out of the blankets kicking them away from him as hard as he could, desperate for air that wouldn’t suffocate him. Once he was out of the blankets, Sirius was able to breathe properly and take in his surroundings for the first time since he arrived. 

The room was a lot bigger than his one back at home. Considering the Potter’s lived in a mansion and Sirius lived in a townhouse, this room was quite more spacious than he was used to. It always struck him as odd that his family, being very well known for hating muggles would live in a home that was not only built by them but surrounded by them as well. The Blacks were a wealthy family, something Sirius’ parents liked to brag about, yet they lived in quite a humble home. And the Potters who were a humble and caring family lived in a mansion. It made no sense. The world never ceased to amaze Sirius with how things seemed to play out. 

The spacious room was surprisingly quite bare. Sirius was in a king-sized bed and on either side were night stands. There was a dresser and a chair and a rather large window framed by heavy looking drapes. And there was a closet as well. The only other thing in the room besides Sirius’ trunk was a glass of water on one of the night stand that someone must have left for him. 

Sirius didn’t hesitate before he grabbed the glass and downed its contents. Despite really needing to pee, he was terribly thirsty. Sirius hated when that happened. 

Just as he finished the glass he heard footsteps in the hallway followed by an all too familiar voice. “Yeah, mum, I’m checking on him now.” It was James. Shit, shit, shit. 

For some reason Sirius panicked. He tried to place the glass back on the nightstand, so he could throw the covers over himself and pretend to be sleeping. He wanted to avoid talking to James for as long as he could. Just his luck, the glass slipped from Sirius’ grip in his haste to set it down and it shattered quite loudly on the floor. The door to the room flung open and James rushed in with a slightly concerned look on his face. Sirius, clad only in his underwear, as he just realized, froze. 

“Padfoot, are you okay?” James asked, slightly panicked. Sirius stared at James. In the back of his mind he was mildly afraid that he’d get something thrown at him or he’d be cursed at for breaking the glass. But it was just James. He knew it was James before James had even come in the room. There was no reason to worry. Yet Sirius had to remind himself that James was not his mother and he wouldn’t get punished for breaking something on accident. Sirius also had to tell himself that James’ mother wouldn’t get upset either. She would just fix the glass with a simple charm or throw it away then ask if he was okay. The Potters were not like his mother. Sirius repeated that over and over in his head like a mantra. The Potters were not like his mother. They would not harm him. The Potters were not like his mother. They would not harm him. 

When Sirius arrived at the Potters last night, he hadn’t seen James. It was James’ mum, Euphemia, who had been awake when Sirius arrived. She suffered greatly from insomnia and was wide awake when the Knight Bus had come barreling through the front lawn of the Potter residence. Sirius had gotten off the bus, half asleep and slightly panicked and at a major loss for what to do. His hair had quickly clung to his face, as did the rest of his clothes, as it had started to drizzle sometime during his ride on the bus. Sirius had been cold and his mind wasn’t all there and just when he had made up his mind to turn around and call the bus back so he could go and get a room at the Leaky Cauldron, Euphemia, as she had once told Sirius to call her, hesitantly opened the front door with her wand pointed directly at Sirius. 

All it took was for her to ask who was there before Sirius broke down crying. He had barely processed that he had fallen onto the ground before he was wrapped into a warm hug and gently pulled inside the house. Euphemia had put the kettle on for Sirius and wrapped him up in a fluffy warm towel. She made the fire and set him down in front of it. He had a nice cup of chamomile tea before being brought up to the guest room. Euphemia hadn’t asked what had happened. She only comforted him and allowed him to cry. She said she’d be there for him if he wanted to talk later and that he needed rest. He had simply nodded and allowed her to give him one last hug and a kiss on the forehead before she bid him goodnight and left the room, shutting the door gently behind her. 

As soon as the door had shut, Sirius had torn off his drying clothes and buried himself into the bed. He fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow. Fortunately, he had fallen into a dreamless sleep. That usually happened after he’d been crucioed. He’d get off the floor, go to his bed, and sometimes he’d sleep for days. 

“Um, yeah, mate,” Sirius responded after staring at James for ten seconds too long. “I’m fine.” Sirius sat back on his heels and prayed to any god that might me out there that James would just leave him alone. 

“Well mum’s got tea on and she’s made you some lunch. It’s actually nearing 5 o’clock so the food’s probably cold by now if you’d just like to wait till supper. Or I can bring you a snack or something- if you’re even hungry, that is,” James rushed out. And Sirius realized that for the first time since Sirius had known James, he looked uncomfortable to be around Sirius. Sirius didn’t blame him of course. They were in a very strange situation and Sirius wouldn’t know how to act if the roles were reversed. 

“I’m okay. Thanks, Prongs,” Sirius said shortly trying to hurry the conversation along. James just nodded and patted the sides of his legs. 

“If you’d like to have a shower, it’s just down the hall. Uh, third door on the left,” James moved to swing around like he was about to leave but he stopped himself. “Third door on your left when you take a right out of the room. Should have been more specific, heh.” James rubbed the back of his neck and rocked on his heels. 

Sirius just raised his eyebrows. 

James took a deep breath and got this really serious look on his face that made Sirius want to hide in a hole. “Look, Sirius, if you wanna talk about what happened-” Sirius cut him off. 

“I don’t.” 

James looked startled. “Right,” James said slowly, “well if you do, I’m here for you, yeah? And Remus and Peter are just an owl away. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like. Mum even said you could spend holidays with us if you don’t wanna go back home.” Sirius didn’t respond. 

“Right, well. You know where the shower is and if you don’t come down for dinner, it’s at 7 by the way, then I’ll bring you up a plate.” Sirius stayed where he was and kept staring at James. Why couldn’t he understand that Sirius wanted to be alone? 

“Okay, um, I’ll see you later then.” James awkwardly nodded and bowed strangely as he backed out of the room, obviously uncomfortable. As soon as James was gone, Sirius pulled the blanket back around him and plopped on his side. Sirius beat himself up in his head. He could have at least said thank you. He did show up unannounced, after all, it was the least he could do. 

Sirius lied there for what had to have been about two hours. He wasn’t sure if he had fallen asleep but next thing he knew, James was knocking on the door asking Sirius if he was awake. Without much thought, Sirius peeled the blanket off him and went to open the door. He barely even acknowledged the glass that was still on the floor as he just managed to side step it on his way over. 

When Sirius opened the door, James was stood on the other side with his right hand raised as if to knock again. 

“Oh, uh, hi Pads,” James stuttered. “I brought you some dinner,” James said as he held out a plate full with pot roast, mashed potatoes, and carrots. “I also brought you some butter beer,” James said nodding towards the floor. Sirius looked down to see a bottle of butter beer next to James’ foot. He must have put it down so he could knock. 

“Thanks, Prongs,” Sirius said softly as he bent down to grab the butter beer. He went to grab the plate next, but James pulled it back in towards himself. 

“Sirius, just so you know, you’ve received a letter from the Ministry. Oh, and your school supplies list has also arrived.” Sirius squinted at James. Determined to end th conversation before it really started, he reached for the plate again, but James held it up over his head- the contents threatening to spill over on top of him. 

“Also,” James said right before taking a deep breath, “I wrote to Moony and told him you were here.” James scrunched up his face as if waiting to be yelled at or punched. Quite honestly, Sirius didn’t blame him. He very much wanted to do both of those things to James right then. 

Sirius tried to calm his heartbeat over the mention of Remus. The two of them hadn’t gotten the chance to talk over what happened between them towards the end of term. It was just a small kiss, one that Regulus unfortunately saw, but by that point there was only one week of classes left and it had passed by in a blur. Before Sirius had the chance to bring it up, they were back on the Hogwarts Express on their way home for the summer holiday. And it wasn’t like he could have a proper conversation with Remus about it if James and Peter were there. 

Sirius had written to James earlier in the summer expressing his concern over what happened. James had been the only person he told about it- James being Sirius’ best friend so of course he had to know. Sirius didn’t even think too much about telling James that he had kissed a boy having been too freaked out about the fact that the boy had been Remus. The idea that James might not handle the fact that Sirius had kissed any boy had not occurred to him until hours after he had sent the letter. 

James had called Sirius through their mirrors not one minute after he had finished reading the letter. At first, James had tried to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal. It was a one-time thing, he said, and Moony had probably already forgotten about it- there was no reason to dwell on it. But the panic had already set in quite deep and the worry on Sirius’ face must have clued James into the fact that this was not something Sirius could just brush off. He was seriously freaked out about what had happened. 

And it wasn’t like Sirius was a homophobe or something. The whole idea of homosexuality and all variations of queerness had always been fascinating to Sirius- the way he always was with things that his parents disapproved of. 

Then as Sirius got older, he had figured out that his fascination with James Dean stemmed far more than an admiration for his acting ability. He knew he didn’t quite look at girls the way he was “supposed” to. It used to drive his parents up the wall when he said he wasn’t interested in marrying a rich pureblood girl to produce an heir. He would tell them that, were he still alive, he’d run off and seduce James Dean with his good looks and find a way to marry him. 

Part of him said that because he knew it would upset his parents, but the other part of him, the part that just knew, was saying it because it was one hundred percent true. He’d marry James Dean in a heartbeat, or any bloke really, not just over a pureblood girl but over every girl who had ever lived. It was then that he realized that he did in fact have a proper crush on James Dean and it was then that he started dating girls at Hogwarts. 

Sirius could admit when a girl was fit. He’d have to be blind not to notice. But just because he could recognize when a girl was attractive, it didn’t mean that he was properly attracted to them. 

Sirius was ashamed to admit that he went out with girls just to try and prove to himself that he wasn’t gay- despite all the marrying James Dean “jokes” he had told his parents and telling himself he was okay with homosexuality. Sirius now realized that while he had been okay with it in theory and could admit to himself that he was in fact gay, the idea of actually telling someone that he was or actually going out with another bloke absolutely frightened him. Therefore, he went out with extremely attractive, but nice girls- because Sirius didn’t want to spend time with mean and shallow girls. Because of his excessive amount dating over the past 3 years or so gave, he gained the reputation of being a player. 

He was Sirius Black- the guy who every girl wanted to date and the bloke who every other guy wanted to be. He let that reputation keep up. He kept going out with more and more girls just to convince himself that he wasn’t actually gay. He kept telling himself that if he found the right girl, he would fall in love with her and prove to himself that he liked girls and that the crush on James Dean and all those wet dreams about those boys in his year were all just flukes. It was a big mess of contradictions and heartache. 

But then Remus had to go and confided in Sirius at the beginning of term that he was actually attracted to both men and women. He liked them both. And Sirius realized that he didn’t have any issues with that. It didn’t bother him one bit. Remus was queer and Sirius was fine with it. So why did he have some sort of issue when it came to himself being queer? He was okay with it but he didn’t want to act on it. He was scared to. And Sirius supposed that was the issue. 

He didn’t know anyone who was queer besides Remus, though he suspected he actually did, but he just didn’t know it. The idea of someone being queer never bothered him the way it did his parents and his brother. 

The idea of it never bothered him. Men on men. Women on women. Men and women who like both men and women. People who were born men but identify as women, and vice versa. It had never bothered him till he came across the realization that he was one of them. That he was a bloke and he liked other blokes. He felt ashamed because maybe he was a little homophobic. He was okay with it when other people were queer but not when he himself was. He could admit it but not accept it. He was a mess and it was driving him mad. 

The bad feelings got worse when he remembered everything he had ever learned about how queer people were treated and shunned and disapproved of and he immediately feared what his friends would think of him. He couldn’t care less what his family thought or what the rest of the wizarding community thought of his queerness just as long as James, Remus, and Peter all still liked him and wanted to be his friend. But he was scared to tell them. 

So when Remus confided in Sirius, Sirius blurted out that he didn’t think he actually liked women and found himself rather attracted to men. Both he and Remus were quite stunned at Sirius’ confession. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud and Sirius was sure that it was pretty clear to Remus that he hadn’t meant to say it. But after a shocked moment, Remus had smiled at him, the smile that was always reserved for when Sirius needed to be reassured, and patted his hand letting Sirius know that it was okay and thanked him for confiding in him. He also asked if James or Peter knew and Sirius told him no. Remus had promised that he wouldn’t tell them unless Sirius wanted him to and when Sirius told him he didn’t, that was the end of that conversation. 

It was because of that conversation though that Sirius and Remus’ friendship had really grown over this past year. They both knew something about the other that nobody else knew. It was their own little secret. 

When Sirius told James all of this during their mirror conversation, minus Remus’ confession, he seemed hurt that Sirius hadn’t felt like he could trust him. James had admitted that he didn’t know much about the queer community and he never really was interested in learning about it, but since Sirius was a part of it, he felt like he should learn as much as he could. 

After a long conversation about what had happened with Remus in the corridor and why they kissed and why Sirius was so confused about it all, James had left to write to Remus and to do research on gay sex. 

He had asked Sirius if he knew how it worked and when Sirius could only offer a vague and unsure answer, James, being completely and utterly James, took it upon himself to make sure that his best friend was well-educated in the fact and went off to find some answers. It was times like those where Sirius really appreciated his friendship with James. He quickly accepted that Sirius had basically come out as gay and just went with it. 

“Sirius?” Sirius snapped out of his reverie to find that he was still standing at the door in front of James. He wasn’t sure how long they had been standing there but Sirius got the impression that it had been a little too long. He really hoped this wouldn’t become a pattern. 

“Yeah?” James’ face grew concerned and immediately Sirius’ stomach dropped. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” James slowly passed Sirius’ dinner plate over to him. Sirius hesitantly grabbed it out of James’ hand, somewhat suspicious that James would yank it out of reach again. He did not. 

“Yeah, Prongs,” Sirius tried to be convincing. “I’m fine.” Sirius backed a bit in a bit of gesture for James to come in the room. James, slightly hesitant, walked in and jumped slightly when Sirius closed the door behind them. 

James went and pulled the chair that was near the door over to the bed. He sat down on it watching Sirius’ every move. Sirius gently placed the full plate on the bed, in a way he hoped wouldn’t topple over. He carefully moved to sit on the bed and when he was comfortable, Sirius brought the plate of food onto his lap. 

“Did you bring any silverware?” Sirius asked. James perked up with an “oh” and reached behind to pull out a knife and fork from his back pocket. He held it out to Sirius who took it without any thought and dug into his food. 

“So Moony’s gonna come stay with us for the two weeks before the full moon,” James said when Sirius was over halfway done with his plate. They had been sitting in an oddly comfortable silence and Sirius was caught off guard. He choked on his food and James quickly moved next to Sirius smacking his back trying to help him out. Sirius waved him off as he swallowed the food and caught his breath. 

“Why would you invite him?” Sirius asked, somewhat angry at James for doing that. 

James sighed. “Because you need to work out whatever’s going on between you two. He told me you haven’t written at all this summer and after I told him you showed up here unannounced he said he was worried. I asked my mum if he could come and stay with us and she said yes.” 

Sirius put his head in his hands. “And what about Pete? You know he’ll be upset if the three of us spent part of the summer together and he wasn’t invited,” Sirius said before taking a swig of his butter beer. 

“I did ask,” James said. “He can’t come. He’s in France for the summer. I think he was a little upset that I didn’t remember that.” Sirius tried to think back to when Peter might have mentioned that he was going to France for the holiday. He thought that he vaguely remembered him mentioning it, but he couldn’t be sure. Sirius brushed it off. 

“So, when’s Moony supposed to arrive then,” Sirius questioned, looking at James. His stomach dropped for the millionth time since he arrived when he saw that James was nervous. 

“What aren’t you telling me?” Sirius feared the answer. 

“Well it’s quite funny, you see,” James started. “I wrote to him last night after mum woke me up and told me you were here. And I got a reply around four in the morning saying that he could come and stay.” 

“That’s great, James. But what aren’t you telling me?” Sirius demanded, rather than asked this time because he was sure he wasn’t going to like the answer James gave him and James very well knew that- Sirius could tell. 

“Well, the thing is Padfoot, and you really can’t get mad at me,” James paused, quickly standing up and moving towards the door. Sirius place his plate on the chair following James, not breaking eye contact. If there’s one thing Sirius learned from his mum it’s how to intimidate people. 

Sirius cornered him against the door and in one breath James blurted out, “He’s been here since noon.” James quickly covered his face with his arms and waited for Sirius to hit him. 

But Sirius didn’t. Honestly, he wasn’t expecting much of a different answer. Sirius backed up and let James have his space. When James had said Remus and Peter were an owl away, he really meant that he had already owled them and that Remus was already there. 

Sirius crossed his arms, simmering slightly. When James realized that Sirius wasn’t going to punch him, he slowly lowered his arms and leaned back against the door. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius asked quietly. 

“You were sleeping and you and Remus aren’t on the best terms right now. I didn’t want you to run off somewhere else. I wanted to make sure you’d stay.” James crossed his arms. “Call me selfish, but I want you to be safe and I was afraid if you knew Remus was here, you’d leave and do something irrational.” James scuffed his heel on the floor not quite meeting Sirius’ eyes. 

“His room is down the hall, three doors down to the left. He hasn’t even come up to put his things in the room cause he was afraid he’d run into you,” James explained. 

Sirius let that information sink in. Remus was downstairs probably reading a book and enjoying some tea waiting for James to tell him that Sirius said it was okay for him to go up to his room. 

“Let me go and take a piss then tell Remus he can come up,” Sirius said after a beat. “I’m not going to leave. You’re the only family I’ve got.” Sirius almost managed to push James out of the way without looking at him. Sirius caught the slight nod James threw his way and noticed the glimpse of sadness in James’ eye. 

He tried not to dwell on it as he made his way to the loo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was okay and I hope you guys enjoyed it! If there's anything that doesn't make sense or if there's something you'd like to see in future chapters, please let me know. 
> 
> Also, if anyone would like to beta read this story, I'd like some help proof reading and stuff. I don't have a whole lot of time to write now that classes have started, but some help would be appreciated if anyone is interested. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm so sorry for not updating in a while. School has been crazy but now that I only have one day of finals left and a month off for holiday break, I will definitely have more time to write.
> 
> I had originally wanted this chapter to go further with this chapter than I actually did. I felt that where I stopped was a good place to end it, but I've started on the next couple chapters and I should hopefully have them uploaded sometime next week.
> 
> Also, I have a beta now, auclairdelaynai. I'm not sure exactly how to link their profile to the stor so I put them under co-creators. I'm pretty sure I didn't do that right lol if anyone knows how to do it, please let me know :)
> 
> Thanks for being so patient! Enjoy :)

It was almost 11:30 at night before Sirius had a confrontation with Remus. After Sirius had pissed, James went and told Remus he could come up and put his things away. The second Sirius had heard James start walking down the stairs, he had bolted himself in his room and sat down on the floor with his back pressed against the door.

Sirius had waited with a baited breath as Remus’ footsteps made their way up the stairs. Sirius didn’t miss how his footsteps stopped for a second outside his door. James must have told him which room Sirius was staying in. Sirius had felt absolute dread when he thought Remus would knock and he had made a quick agreement with himself that if Remus knocked, he would ignore it. 

Sirius hadn’t been too sure he’d be able to keep that agreement. 

Luckily, Sirius never found out what would have happened. Remus had paused outside the door for a second then continued on his way. Sirius didn’t let go of his breath till he heard Remus’ door open and shut. And once he was sure that Remus had actually gone into the room and had not just thrown his things in there only to come back down the hallway, Sirius finally peeled himself away from the door and threw himself back onto the bed. 

Sirius had been half determined to avoid Remus during his entire stay. He knew that Remus would respect his boundaries and not bother him whatsoever if that was what Sirius wanted. But the other half of him was going stir crazy having been cooped up in the room for an entire day. 

It was around 11:30 PM that Sirius realized he was getting hungry. The only thing he had eaten all day was the pot roast James had brought him. And while it had filled him up at the time, Sirius was a growing young man and he needed to eat more than one meal a day. 

At first he was going to try to entertain himself by reading or listening to music only to realize that there was absolutely nothing in the room that could entertain him. He had left any books he owned at the Grimuald Place and besides the pieces of furniture, the room had nothing else of substance inside it. 

Therefore, his hunger mixed with an intense pang of boredom, prompted Sirius to make his way downstairs. He had made it all the way to the last step before realizing that someone was in the living room. At first glance, he had thought it was Euphemia- since she suffered from insomnia, he wouldn’t have been surprised to see her, but upon further inspection, Sirius recognized the light brown hair and careful sound of pages being turned. There was only one person who Sirius knew turned pages with such care. 

Without meaning to have such a strong reaction, Sirius reeled backwards and slipped on the carpet that ran down the center of the stairs. He let out a yelp as he lost footing and he landed harshly on his ass onto the last step. 

Remus, who had been unaware of Sirius’ entrance, startled and quickly looked over. When their eyes met, Sirius noticed the concern and flash of panic that ran through them. Sirius was sure there was panic in his own eyes as well. 

“Sirius,” Remus said slowly, “Are you okay?” Remus looked ready to run over to Sirius’ aid but seemed to be refraining himself as he peered over the back of the couch. 

“Yeah,” Sirius squeaked out, “I’m fine.” Sirius wanted to kick himself for how startled he sounded. 

“Are you going to get up any time soon or just sit there like a stupid idiot?” Remus asked. Sirius’ first instinct was to be offended but when he looked up at Remus, he saw his friend was trying his best to put on a smile. Good. It made Sirius feel a lot better that Remus was feeling just awkward about the situation as he was. 

Sirius slowly pushed himself off his ass and was about to abandon his search for food when Remus asked him what he was doing awake. 

“I should be asking you the same thing, Moony,” Sirius said, trying to sound casual about it. 

“You know I always have trouble sleeping when we’re not at school,” Remus reminded him. And Sirius nodded feeling stupid for asking. Remus had always been a night owl. Some people may be surprised to learn that considering he was the only one of the four marauders that seemed to have no trouble waking up for early morning classes. 

But Remus had always felt a deep pull with the moon. And without the strict schedule of classes regulating his time, Remus didn’t feel so inclined to go to bed at a normal hour. 

“Oh, right. I forgot,” Sirius mumbled. 

“So,” Sirius said, unsure of how to start a conversation. “What book are you reading?” Remus looked down at his lap quickly almost as if he had forgotten what book it was. He must have really been caught off guard to forget the name of his book. 

“Oh, it’s the Great Gatsby,” Remus replied. 

“The great what?” Sirius questioned. He had never heard of such a book. 

“Gatsby,” Remus chuckled. “It’s a muggle classic.” 

“Ah.” That explained why he didn’t know it. His parents had confiscated every muggle book he had hidden away in his room. Sirius had once tried to make a list of muggle books he should read back in 4th year. If ‘The Great Gatsby’ was truly a classic, like Remus had said, it had probably been on the list. But Sirius never even read one book off that list because of his parents. After that “stunt” got him crucioed and grounded for a month, Sirius had never tried to pick up another muggle book when he was at home. And of course he wouldn’t read anything at school, it would ruin his image. 

Remus cleared his throat. “So, you never answered why you came down here.” 

Sirius tightly gripped onto the railing of the stairs trying to act nonchalant. His death grip probably showed Remus how non-nonchalant he truly felt. 

“Oh, right. That. I just came down to get food. I’m quite famished,” Sirius said as he made to walk towards the kitchen with a false bravado only to miscalculate his step. His heel brushed the edge of the step he wanted to step on and he fell promptly on his ass yet again. 

Not being caught off guard this time, Remus found this fall to be particularly amusing. Sirius grumbled as he stood back up trying to ignore Remus’ snickering. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Remus gently place a bookmark into his book and place it on the table. He slowly came around to that he was stood slightly in front of Sirius, peering down at him with an amused smirk plastered on his face. 

They weren’t close enough to where Sirius could reach out and touch him, but the fact that Sirius could now take in Remus’ lanky yet well-muscled build and could oh so clearly see the amusement dancing in his eyes, Sirius wanted to run back upstairs and hide away till Christmas. 

Instead he stayed planted sitting on the second to last step and Remus slowly walked closer to him. 

Remus slowly reached out a hand. “I do think you need help coming off the stairs, Padfoot. Don’t want you to slip again,” Remus said as he looked Sirius deep in his eyes and Sirius knew that this had to be some kind of test. 

Sirius figured that he could either put his hand in Remus’ and let himself be pulled up from his spot and have someone supporting him as he walked off the last step- showing Remus that everything was okay between them. Or, Sirius could ignore the offer for help and pulled himself up to step around Remus. That would show Remus that things weren’t okay between them. 

What was he supposed to do when things were simultaneously okay and now okay? So, Sirius made his choice as he slowly reached out and placed his hand in Remus’. As Remus’ eyes barely masked his surprise, Sirius gave him a curt, “Thank you, Remus,” and a small smile. 

Sirius continued to the kitchen with a frown on his face and his heart heavy in his chest as he noticed how Remus hadn’t followed him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2019 everybody! I hope everyone had a wonderful new year! :)
> 
> Here's the next chapter, I hope you guys like it. And I'd also like to thank @auclairedeyani for being such a wonderful beta and helping me with the flow of this chapter!
> 
> I do not own these characters just the plot.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

When Sirius was a child, he often dreamt that he had been born into a different life. He dreamt what it would be like if he had been born a muggle or if he was raised by trolls. Usually he dreamt that he was raised by people who supported him, who outwardly showed affection towards him rather than parents who were ashamed of his very existence and embarrassed of everything he did.

He longed to have parents who’d hold him when he was sad or got hurt. He longed for parents who wouldn’t send him to bed without supper because he spoke out of turn. He desperately yearned for parents who had never learned the cruciatus curse because if they had never learned it the first place, then they couldn’t use it on him to “teach him a lesson”. 

Up until he met Fleamont and Euphemia Potter, Sirius had assumed that most parents were like his. He figured that parents that were attentive and nurturing were far and few inbetween. Of course, that probably had much to do with the fact that most of his acquaintances growing up had parents who dealt with thing in a similar manner to his own. 

It wasn’t even until he started Hogwarts that he realized how unusual and alarming his homelife truly was. He quickly learned to cover up bruises and scars when he came home from holidays. He learned to omit certain aspects of stories, things he could share with other families in his family’s circle without being given a worried eye- things that would raise alarm to others outside said circle but were a common occurrence amongst his acquaintances. He learned how to fabricate elaborate stories of trips to the country or to the south of France and anywhere where others may expect him to go on holiday, despite usually being locked up in his room nursing injuries and avoiding conflict until classes started again. 

Naturally, James and Remus picked up on these stories and their minor inconsistencies. And to everyone's surprise, Peter was the one who brought it up and recommended that Sirius stay with James over Christmas back in 3rd year. Sirius’ parents were more than happy to send him away, being very clear that he would not be missed. Of course, Sirius told James’ parents that they were going away to a friend’s manor in Switzerland, and that he did not fare well in such frigid weather. To this day, Sirius isn’t sure they had believed him. 

But now, as he sat at the breakfast table with the Euphemia, James, and Remus, Sirius reminded himself to be thankful for having such wonderful friends and such a welcoming place to stay. Fleamont and Euphemia were the parents Sirius had always wished he had. And any time Sirius stayed with the Potters, he always felt like he belonged. 

“Pads, pass the syrup, would you?” Sirius snapped out of his reverie and placed the fork he had been mindlessly holding onto back on his plate. Sirius had to reach across Remus’ plate to get the syrup, and while Remus pretended to ignore him, Sirius assumed and hoped he was pretending. 

Sirius handed the bottle of syrup to James who proceeded to dump almost all its contents on his waffles. Euphemia had really outdone herself with breakfast this morning. The promise of eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles, and hashbrowns was enough to coax Sirius downstairs for breakfast. She usually never went all out like this, especially with such an American style of food, but Sirius wasn’t going to complain- the food was delicious. 

“Sirius,” Fleamont greeted as he walked into the breakfast nook, “Glad to see you’ve decided to join us this morning, son.” And with a clap on Sirius’ back, Fleamont took his seat at the head of the table. Sirius did his best to keep the smile that was threatening to make its way across his face hidden. The first time Fleamont had called Sirius son, he had been startled and embarrassed. Now, it fills Sirius with a warmth that bubbles in his chest and threatens to escape through inappropriate laughter and loud behavior, all due to the extreme happiness he feels. If he thinks too hard about it, sometimes feeling happy over being called son by his best friend’s father makes him feel bad. Today, was not one of those day. Sirius could just barely hide his smile as he took another bite of his eggs and tried not to laugh at James’ bewildered expression. 

“And what about me, dad?” James asked, outraged. “I’m your own flesh and blood.” He crossed his arms throwing his father a glare. Sirius took a bite of bacon, ready to watch this play out. 

“Oh, yes.” Fleamont opened up the Daily Prophet as his coffee mug was filled by the enchanted coffee pot. “Good morning, James. And you too Remus.” 

“Good morning, Mr. Potter,” Remus replied, polite as ever. James just scoffed. 

“Don’t indulge him, Moony,” James said waving a hand in his father’s direction. “He completely ignored me. It’s terribly rude, if I do say so myself.” 

James continued to pout throughout the remainder of breakfast, all in jest of course. Fleamont smiled with amusement at his son’s hysterics, playing along while Euphemia did her best to reason with James. Sirius and Remus both sat back observing the family interact with each other. And though Sirius wasn’t actively a part of what was happening, he was glad he got to witness it. 

Sirius might not have had a normal childhood, but if breakfast was anything close to how James’ life had been for him, Sirius was glad his best mate had that life.

It was quickly decided that after breakfast, the boys would play some quidditch. Unfortunately for Sirius, as soon as they were about to head out back, James got called in by his mother to help clean up the table. While James begrudgingly obeyed his mother’s command, Sirius and Remus were left alone together to fetch the quidditch supplies from the shed.

The day was bright and sunny but not awfully hot. It was quite pleasant and Sirius admired the view as the walked along the path that lead to the Potter’s shed. The grass was a bright green colour and he decided in that moment that it was a colour that brought him a lot of joy. It reminded him of freedom and peace, two things he longed for greatly.

“So Sirius,” Remus started saying, causing Sirius to look at him quite suddenly. He had been under the impression that they just weren’t going to talk the entire way to the shed. 

“So, Remus,” Sirius imitated. This cause a little half smile to form on Remus’ face causing Sirius to look at his lips. He quickly focused his eyes on the outline of the shed, trying to ignore the way Remus was looking at him as he cursed the Potter’s for having such a large backyard. 

“I hope everything has been okay since you’ve arrived. James said this is the first time he’s seen you out of your room since you’ve arrived.” Sirius nodded, keeping his eyes forward. The less he looked at Remus, the better. 

“Yeah, I haven’t been feeling the best lately.” And it wasn’t a lie exactly- he had been feeling quite down since he’d left home. In fact, this morning was the happiest he’d been all summer, but he wasn’t going to tell Remus that. 

“That’s understandable.” They walked in silence until they reached the shed. 

“Why have they got so many brooms?” Sirius complained. “James is the only who plays quidditch, it’s not like he really has other people to play with.” Sirius grabbed three random brooms and turned on his heel to leave.

“Hang on,” Remus called and Sirius turned back around, slightly annoyed. He did not want to spend more time with Remus in close quarters than he needed to. It brought back too many memories of their time last year in school and he wanted to forget about all of it. 

“I didn’t say I was playing. I was just going to read,” Remus said. 

“Well James said you’re playing, so you’re playing.” Before Sirius could leave the shed, Remus tried to tug one of the broomsticks out of Sirius’s hand. 

“Oi!” Sirius exclaimed. “Just what do you think you’re doing then?” Sirius pulled the broomstick closer to him, Remus still gripping on tight. 

“I told you,” Remus stepped closer so they were eye to eye. “I’m not playing.” 

“Why not?” Sirius whined. “You’re a good flyer and we want you to play.” 

“Because it’s never fair,” Remus said and Sirius let go of the broomstick. 

“What do you mean?” Remus let out a deep sigh and pinched his nose- something he always did when he thought Sirius or James was being unreasonable before trying to make them see reason. 

The only way to make the game even remotely fair was to put James and Sirius on different teams. They worked well together when they were playing for the same team with the same goals in mind, but the second they’re pitted together, chaos ensues. Remus explained that it didn’t matter if he got paired with Sirius or James. It didn’t matter if Peter was there to play as well. When they played quidditch games like this, Sirius and James solely focused on each other. Remus insisted that he had run out of fingers and toes to count the amount of times he would play quidditch with them only to be left out of the game. 

Sirius insisted that they didn’t do it on purpose and while Remus knew that, he said it doesn’t keep it from happening. So that was why Sirius allowed Remus to put one of the broomsticks back. And once they arrived at the makeshift quidditch pitch, James was waiting impatiently claiming they took a million years and he was afraid he was going to die of old age before they came back. 

“Moony, where’s your broom?” James asked, the second Remus tried to go inside the fetch his book. 

“He’s not playing,” Sirius cut in. Remus gave him a grateful look as he went inside. 

“And why not?” James crossed his arms looking quite annoyed. With his hair mussed all over his head and his glasses slipping down his nose, James looked like an angry toddler. 

“Because he doesn't want to play, James. Just leave it,” Sirius demanded getting on his broom, flying up into the air. Soon enough the bludgers and snitch were flying around Sirius. James flew up and tossed him a bat. 

“May the best man win,” James smirked as they got in position. Sirius looked down and watched as Remus grabbed the quaffle and threw it up into the air and Sirius and James both rushed to grab it. 

It was an intense game to say the least. There was a lot of pushing and Sirius even managed to almost knock James off his broom with a bludger. But it was nice to get back into the swing of things. Quidditch could always take Sirius’ mind off of anything no matter what was going on in his life. And today, ignoring the whole thing going on with his parents, Sirius needed to get his mind off of Remus. 

Remus who was currently lounging in a lawn chair reading The Great Gatsby. Remus who looked angelic when bathed in the sunlight the gods had decided to bestow on them on this glorious day.

The sun reflected off of his hair making him seem as though he had a halo and his whole body glowed with light and warmth and he looked absolutely beautiful.

And then suddenly there was an, “Oi, Sirius, watch out!” from James and then Sirius was falling. It was all quite sudden really but the second Sirius hit the ground he felt as though he was under the cruciatus curse. And he knew he wasn’t, logically but the pain he felt, though it was different from the cruciatus curse, mixed with the fact that he couldn’t breathe properly reminded him of what it was like to be cursed and he started screaming. He curled into a ball and tried to shrink into the ground not wanting to be hurt anymore. 

Sirius could hear frantic voices and at one point there was a hand on his arm but he yanked it away. And then there were people on him. His arms and legs were held down by who Sirius could make out as James and Remus and Euphemia was there too pressing something to his lips. She forced him to drink it and almost immediately Sirius collapsed completely, settled properly into the grass. Through bleary eyes he could see Remus, James, and Euphemia looking at him with concern and the last thing he thought before he passed out was how much he hated the way they were looking at him.

**Author's Note:**

> I figured Sirius would actually be 15 when he runs away rather than 16. If he ran away the summer before 6th year and his birthday is in November, wouldn't he actually be 15? I think so. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you to anyone who read this chapter. In the next chapter we will see what happens when Sirius is at the Potter's house. I'm still debating how exactly I wanna go about it, but I'm working on it.
> 
> Thanks again for reading! :)


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